"And he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the gospel to every creature." - Mark 16:15
When I was 16, I was called to missions. I spent the summer of my 17th year in Europe with Teen Missions doing evangelical work and almost spent my 18th with The Continentals doing the same thing. At 19, I felt led to go to Australia with YWAM, but I was not allowed the opportunity because it was "too far away". I sit back at times, and wonder what things would have been like had I been allowed to go.
Kati is my oldest. My first. My only daughter. She is DLP- daddy's little princess. She is most like me.
I have not always given her what she needs in terms of being mothered. I worked outside the home until she was just out of 6th grade, so dad took care of her and her brother during the day times. The last two years have brought about a stronger bond between the two of us that I cherish.
I tend to not smother her, suffocate. I refuse to "be one of the girls" with she and her friends and they appreciate that. It didn't work well for me growing up, so I'm trying not to pass it on. I let her have opinions, ideas and try to support her in what she wants. In doing this, I remember- as does she- that I am her mother, and not her friend. Someday, when she is older, if things work out right, we will have the chance to be friends rather than mother and daighter. There is a time; there is a balance.
This means there is conflict between us at times, but afterwards, there is discussion and unity. It's been hard since she got "hormonal", teenager-y, woman-ly. But, she has this place in my heart that beats so loudly in my ears. She is a mini-me. Headstrong, loving, confrontational, impatient, tender, caring, compassionate, nurturing, funny, witty. smart and lovable to her bones.
Other than wanting to be a vet through the age of 7, she has had her heart set- passionately- on traveling the world. That world. The big scary one, full of war, conflict, terror - and as she puts it- lost souls. What started as a passion for art, writing and travel (that girl can write, let em tell you) has developed over the last year into a desire for the mission field. In Africa. A-f-r-i-c-a.
It takes my breath away.
She will be going on her first missions trip this summer, locally to Mexico, hopefully with our new church. Then, next summer- God willing- the plan is more, well, far away. Maybe Peru, or India, or Panama, or .... with Global Expeditions. Although she just turned 14 and is chomping at the bit to go this summer, we have a few things on the plate. Transplant and all. Selfishly, I told her I want her here to be with me through surgery, should it come this summer. She gets it. So, we look to next year.
Her current studies include the current Physician's Desk Reference and Civilian Under Fire: Humanitarian Practices in the Congo Republic. Heady stuff for a 14 year old, but she laps it up. Her one grandfather was a doctor. The other, a missionary every day he woke up and took breath to anyone that he came in contact with. I think she is the best of both of them.
I know that I have two options here:
1) Hold her so tight, that she resents it and rebels. Potentially walks away from the things that God is laying on her heart. Her destiny.
2) Loosen the strings ever so lightly, pray like crazy, so she can grow, learn, mature, decide, buy-in, get with God's program for her life.
No matter what she decides, I'm behind her. I will not stand in her way because I'm uncomfortable. Because I don't want what I want. I want what God has for her, what she wants. There is no I in her destiny.
She is mine, because God gave her to me. I am here to help her grow, to help her hear God's voice and support her in those things that she decides to do with what God has given her.
Even if it means holding back tears while driving her to the airport on some not-so-distant day, watching her take her passport and ticket, maybe her husband and my grandkids, and go off to her mission field. In Africa.
They don't know the blessing they have on the way now. Do they?
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